Last weekend marked my second annual trip to Helen, Georgia. The town's got a very German heritage so it's easy to see why the whole place is completely geared toward Oktoberfest-related tourism. I'd hate to see that place in the off-season, I bet it's a pit of despair.
Anyway, so accompanying me again were friends R.J. Spaulding and Dan Merz, along with newcomer Jen Merz, a.k.a. Dan's sister, a.k.a. Sun and Moon (for reasons which continue to elude me even after thorough explanation).
Perhaps the most memorable experience of the weekend was the Cigar Debacle. On Dan's whim we all piled into this tiny little cigar shop owned by this extremely manly yet long-winded older gentleman. I don't imagine that Dan knew what he was getting us all into when he intended to purchase one of these tobacco products. The guy herded us all into his humidor, where he proceeded to rattle off all of this cigar jargon (cijargon?) that completely evaporated from our skulls a half second after hearing it. After seeing our glazed expressions he offered a course in "Tobacco 101," which we immediately agreed to. This led to twenty minutes of more impenetrable jargon that brought me dangerously close to stabbing the man to death with my pocketknife. But finally it was over, we each purchased a single cigar and made a hasty exit.
After buying the cigars, we kicked things off with a friendly drink-off involving 32oz. mugs of Paulaner Oktoberfest. The results were very close with the exception of Jen, who managed to give away more beer than she drank. I'm tempted to say that it's okay, she's a girl, but if she's hanging out with us she has to keep up, no? I can't say much because I kind of wimped out after winning the drink-off and then eating a whole order of nachos. I couldn't quite finish another 32oz beer, and was justifiably ridiculed.
We milled about town for a while, took a short nap, R.J. bought a ridiculous butane torch for our cigars, we enjoyed some more food, and then we found ourselves outside in the cold air at night with nobody else around... perfect time to revist those cigars we've been carrying around! We sat down inside a big gazebo on a hill overlooking the town. We all lit our cigars according to the crazy old guy's directions and soon we looked just like hotshot CEOs, poker players, and Groucho Marx. We had all purchased different cigars in the hopes that we could all trade with each other, but that was mostly ruined by Dan and R.J. slobbering all over theirs. Jen and I switched after a while, which was a good move because both of us seemed to enjoy the other person's cigar more than our own. For instance, I discovered that if I puffed on my new cigar so quickly that great plumes of smoke revealed our position to everyone in the northern hemisphere, I got this great taste of salmon. Exactly of salmon. Please do not ask me to explain it. Before it was all over I was ready to barf due to many different factors, although I will say that my blood alcohol content was somewhere around 0.0%.
There really weren't as many people walking around as there were last year, which is kind of a shame. Also our hotel was located about a mile outside of the festivities, which was a mild pain in the ass to walk back and forth from repeatedly... although it helped me feel like less of a lazy alcoholic, so maybe it was a good play.
We are definitely going back next year if at all possible, hopefully with one or two more people in tow. I've got a few people in mind but scheduling is kind of a nightmare when you get more and more people involved. If you're a friend and you're interested in going, maybe we could work it out. With a lot more preparation, I expect next year to be the best trip ever!
No comments:
Post a Comment