The Crux of the Matter

I'm very close to my weight goal that I need to reach in order to join the Navy. It helps that I've been working out like an illiterate inmate with A.D.D. I try to get Jessica to work out with me sometimes, but to no avail. That's why her weight loss is going slower than molasses uphill in January... on crutches.

I think it's cool that Timothy Olyphant is getting a lot more roles these days, although I'm starting to worry about him becoming typecast. I read the premise for his new show tonight called "Justified," and it kind of sounded like his last role, as the small-town sheriff from "The Crazies."

I know I'm pretty poor, but I just can't stop buying movies from Hollywood Video. I mean, come on, they're dirt cheap. Plus there's a cute girl who works there and is a fan of KMFDM.

Now I'm at the pub, reading my friend's screenplay and making notes. It's tiring work, and I wish I could just read the thing for fun, but that's what friends are for, right? Anyway, let me get back to it.

A Crisis of Faith

It's easy to lose faith in the people of Goldsboro, North Carolina. When I access my Netflix account, it always tells me which movies are currently popular rentals for my area. It is always, always, the most inane crapuloid I can possibly imagine. I mean, I love big dumb movies as much as the next person, but I'm so tired of seeing every American Pie direct-to-video movie showing up as some kind of "local favorite."

Also appearing:
- any film that features "talking" animals, especially if they play sports, sing and dance, or are secret agents
- any horror re-tread, remake, reboot, or re-imagining
- any film that features an all-black cast, regardless of quality
- any film in which one or more Honda Civics exceed the posted speed limit for monetary gain
- any film featuring a soundtrack that has been ripped from the local Top 40 radio station
- any stupid Oscar-bait

I swear to God this is true: I heard a man in the video store the other day speaking to an associate of his. He rented a movie based on the fact that, and I quote, "The tv commercial said it's good." Seriously. I can't make that up.

Come on, people. Not every movie made these days has to suck.

I'm beginning to fear for the society of our future. I'm afraid that Mike Judge's film "Idiocracy" will eventually be seen as less of a poignant slice of fried comedic gold and more of an eerily prophetic warning that went completely unheeded.

Uh oh, here comes a hobo. Okay, he's gone. At least I was able to tell this hobo that I, too, am unemployed and pretty broke. He gave me a dime that he'd been carrying around. Currency, I mean, not a quantity of drugs. You know you're broke when hoboes give YOU money.

I think I just went from "poor" to "po'".

Facepalm

I am a bad person.

Maybe not Hell-worthy, but then I don't put much faith into that sort of thing anyway.

I don't have to explain why.

So I haven't maintained a blog in some time, and I thought I'd re-enter the fray.

I don't have much to talk about. Not that my life is boring, or there's nothing important happening right now, I just don't blog about things that are meaningful.

My old blog sounds superwhiny and über-depressing. I'll try to steer this one far away from that catastrophe.

So what should I discuss? Good question.

Right now, my top five dream vehicles (in no particular order) are as follows:

1. Humvee
2. Triumph motorcycle... model is less important, maybe a Bonneville. Preferably with a sidecar.
3. DMC Delorean
4. Honda S2000
5. Tesla Roadster

I'm flexible as far as production years are concerned. The list changes occasionally, as well.

You see? This is the kind of shit I talk about when I'm bored.

Maybe I'll discuss something more interesting at a later time.